"Ava"

Ava has always had the head of a businesswoman. After her first husband died ten years ago, Ava was left to care for her two young daughters. She has always loved farming and working with flowers, which is evident in how she spends her days at the safe house.

Ava holds a lot of pain, which was evident while she told me her story. She has been at the safe house for about four months now. Claiming never to marry again, Ava focused on providing for her two children. She wanted to ensure that they had the best education and opportunities.

In 2010, she stopped working on farms and decided to open her own business. She started small where she was living and roasted and boiled maize (corn) for people in town. Her business did surprisingly well, and she expanded her shop. She began selling fruits, vegetables, and cooking beans, and she also sold clothes she would get from Nairobi. During this time, she saw her children growing up quickly. She was beginning to feel lonely, and this is when her friend introduced her to someone she would later marry. Their relationship started long-distance, as he was in Mombasa. After some time, Ava said she was ready to get married, but she was clear that she would not be a housewife as she had a thriving business.

The marriage proved difficult for her two daughters, as they had grown up without a father. With time, they were happy for their mother. Shortly later, Ava welcomed another baby girl with her new husband.

Her husband started drinking and abusing Ava and their small child a few years later. Because Ava was so independent already, she decided to leave for the sake of her children. During this time, her husband’s family started following her and attempted to pressure her into reuniting with her husband. Ava refused to move back in with her husband, but she did allow her youngest child to spend time with her father. Although Ava could pay the school fees, her husband’s family insisted that they take care of it, and Ava agreed.

With the added stress of this situation, Ava had many things on her mind. She started going out on the weekends and becoming more dependent on alcohol. She said she felt stress, and she felt it becoming worse. One night, she was coming home from a night out, and she suddenly was surrounded by men. They grabbed her and dragged her to the other side of the street. They took her into a building, which happened to be where they were working. They tried to take off her clothes and pinned her down. She says she was still with fear. Fortunately, the gatekeeper heard noises and came over to see what was happening. Ava was able to escape, and she quickly ran home.

She did her best to forget what had happened, as she took a shower and grabbed her belongings to head to work. While on the bus, there were people talking about the incident. Hearing this conversation rattled Ava even more, but she continued to keep it all inside.

She turned to alcohol as a vice, which affected her work and her relationship with her children. One day, Ava was drunk and attempted to cross the street. She was hit by a boda-boda (motorcycle) and spent six months in recovery. Her face was severely slashed, and she broke her wrist. Throughout this experience, she was alone and drinking even more. She told me that her younger daughter was also struggling as she could see her mother grappling with her mental and emotional health. Ava’s mother-in-law suggested that they come back and live with her husband, and Ava agreed.

Ava tried her best not to drink, but the experiences and the further abuse she was facing from her husband made this difficult for her. Her husband suggested that she go and be with her mother for a while. Feeling powerless at this moment, Ava got on a bus to live with her mom. Next, she described the feeling she had on the bus. She said it as water in her brain and rushing over her head. She asked the driver to stop, and the next thing she knew, she woke up in the hospital. The doctors told her that she had a depressive episode and put her on medication. She spent two weeks in the hospital recovering.

Ava made her way back home and decided to move back in with her husband again because she wanted to attempt to keep her family together. Her husband started verbally abusing her and told her that she was ugly and unworthy. This abuse drove Ava deeper into a hole, and she started taking her medication with alcohol. She tried to convince herself that everything was fine and she felt okay. The best way for her to do this was to convince herself that she was not living with anyone. She made her child and her husband food and kept to herself. One day, she brought food over to the table, and he threw it at her and started shouting. Ava kept calm and left the room. Later that night, Ava was sleeping, and her husband came raging into the room with a panga (large knife/sword used for farming). He threatened to start cutting Ava. Her youngest daughter went into the room, held her dad by his legs, and begged him to stop. He started hitting Ava with the panga, but she managed to leave the room, and Ava and her daughter left the house.

She did her best to provide for her child and make it through work. One day, the police took her to the station, as her husband had accused her of not taking care of her daughter and cheating. Ava told the police to speak to their daughter, as she was old enough to talk about it. Her daughter had said she wanted to live with her mom, but her husband scared her into thinking that Ava was a dangerous person. Ava says she accepts that her daughter went to live with him and knows she will see her daughter again.

Ava continued drinking and not speaking about her experiences for a long time until a friend could see how much she was struggling. She lost her home and was sleeping on the streets, but she would go to work each day. Her friends took her in and connected her with the safe house, where she now spends her days. Only one of her daughters knows where she is, but they know she is safe.

Ava has grown since she has been in the safe house. She says that she never dared open up about her experiences due to shame. Now, she feels like she can talk to more people and will be more forthcoming once she leaves. She also says that she has learned many skills since she has been here; she knows that one can do many things and have many side hustles. Ava also encourages the other women at the shelter and tells them they can be and do anything they want with hard work. When she leaves, she hopes to be able to stand on her own and start her business again. She also hopes to reconnect with her daughters and explain what she was going through.