"Joy"

I have now moved on to my next destination: Naivasha, Kenya. I was working and living in a safe house with 15 women who had experienced various types of violence. The following stories highlight the experiences of sexual violence. As a part of my role, I collected these stories for my blog, but more importantly, I was an ear for empowerment. Frequently, having a space of freedom to share with belief and validation can heal itself. I got to know every one of these women and their children, and I can say they have taught me so much about life. Their vibrance and radiance are infectious, and anyone who has the honor to know them will have their lives changed forever.

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Joy spent the afternoon telling her story. At the end of our exchange, she said, "I want other people to know my story. If I had been able to read about or hear about stories like mine, I would have felt less alone and maybe be in a different place today. Will you please share it?" While this post may not do her story justice, I ask you to share this account with young people everywhere so that there may be a chance for someone to feel heard and less alone.

Joy's story started when her mother left their village in Kenya, where they lived with her smaller brother. Her mother told Joy that she would get a truck to move their things to a new place, but she never returned. When she could not get a hold of her mother, Joy took her brother and went to live with their grandmother. Joy's little brother was able to continue with his education, but there were not enough funds for Joy. She spent her days grazing and taking care of the livestock. This was hard for Joy, as she was someone who really did enjoy learning. She says she gave up hope of a better life or finding her mother. She desperately wanted to continue her education but was not able to. She felt dejected.

A month later, Joy got a call from her mother; she was in Saudi Arabia for a job. Her mother apologized but said she could not take care of the two of them. While unhappy, Joy continued to graze and live with her grandmother. When she was 16, she met an older boy who was 19. Joy mentioned that she had never been knowledgeable about sex or consent, as no one ever talked about it around her. She wanted to please the man she saw, as she was also dependent on him. He bought her food and gave her things that her grandmother could not.

While in the relationship, Joy felt pressure to have sex as he would repeatedly ask her. Reluctantly, she gave in. Looking back on it, she says that the encounter was not consensual, as she didn't even understand what was going on. Joy became pregnant and began to fear for her life, knowing her grandmother would disapprove. As her stomach grew, her grandmother would continually ask her if she was pregnant. Joy denied it, but she grew more and more petrified by the day.

When she met with her aunt, she did reveal information about the relationship, but did not say she was pregnant. Her grandmother soon found out and started screaming at Joy, telling her that she was shameful and was taking advantage of their home. Joy chose to run away, as she was too afraid to face her grandmother.

She was homeless for many nights while pregnant. She finally found a friend who took her to his mother-in-law's village. Joy was also fearful of revealing her pregnancy, as she thought no one would help if she did. When it became too obvious, she confessed to the woman she was living with. The village chief took her to their children's office of her town. They asked her if she had anywhere to go; Joy could think of one aunt that lived nearby. The office said that it would only be for one night. One night turned into one month, and Joy lost hope of finding a new home.

Her aunt could no longer support Joy. Her mother sent her some money, but after an argument between Joy's aunt and her mother, she demanded that the money be returned. Again, Joy was left with no options. She went back to the children's office and begged them to provide her with a solution.

She was then connected to the safe house and has been here for ten months. She has a healthy boy and is taking steps to learn about consent, boundaries, and sexual violence. On top of this, she loves to cook and spend time with the rabbits on the farm. Joy expressed that she used to feel completely alone. She was too scared to tell anyone about what happened, as she thought she was always in the wrong. Joy wishes that she had her mother to understand her experiences and what she was going through in those moments.

Joy is coming to terms with her experiences through counseling and healing work. She is gathering the language to speak about consent and her boundaries. She recognizes that poverty and her lack of access to education contributed to her experiences and hopes that an emphasis on education for young girls will strengthen in the future. She also hopes that schools and curriculums can incorporate teachings on topics such as consent and violence so that more people are knowledgeable about the issue.

The safe house has helped her regain her confidence and self-esteem. Telling her story empowers her. She hopes that her story reaches young women and girls everywhere, especially if they are in similar situations. She feels that if she had known more people had these experiences, she might have had the language and the courage to express her experiences to her grandmother.

Joy hopes that she will be able to work in cosmetology and own her salon when she leaves. She has a passion for this field of work and also wants to be able to give her son a better life. She also hopes to provide a generational change for her son. She says she will do her best to understand and listen to him instead of jumping to conclusions.