"Charity"

Charity is a 40-year-old mother to two wonderful girls, and while she is in a more financially stable place than before, she had to work extremely hard to get to where she is now. When she was 15, Charity was dating a man who raped her after pressuring her repeatedly to have sex. She stated that she had no one to go to, as her parents died when she was young, and she didn't quite understand her experiences. Because Charity lived in poverty and did not have parents, she felt she had no choice but to marry a different man. She still had not processed the rape she had endured.

While in her marriage, Charity was beaten and didn't have the basic necessities to take care of her kids. The physical toll the beatings had on her body impeded her ability to work. Charity felt stuck but tried to persevere. When she could no longer take the abuse, she fled in the middle of the night with her two children. She had enough mistreatment and decided it was best to live with her uncle in a different village.

We asked her how her uncle responded to her trauma. Unfortunately, like many individuals we have talked to, her uncle stated she must accept it and move on. Charity never felt like she had the support to speak to the police or report the situation to anyone else due to her dismissive attitude when she attempted to speak up.

After a few years of living with her uncle, Charity felt confident enough to venture out independently and found a small house to rent for her and her girls. She also met the community leader in the village, who was able to counsel her and validate her experiences. When asked about the most crucial skill learned from counseling, Charity told us that she came to understand that it was valuable for her to work and become financially empowered on her own. She now weaves baskets and sells them to the local people to pay for her children's school fees.

She has also found peace in speaking to people who have experienced similar violence in the village. She has found these so-called support groups from the community leader of the town.

While she is unsure of the more significant movements and ways forward, it is clear that Charity is fighting for a better life not only for herself but especially for her two teenage daughters. She does not want them to suffer the way that she did. She works tirelessly and remains, hopefully, every day for their sake.

While I cannot speak for a whole country or area, something I repeatedly encountered while I listened to these accounts was a response to violence that went something like this: "you must forgive, forget, and move on." This was interesting because it wasn't isolated to the sphere of violence. Any time there was a conflict or inconvenience between two people, this would be the response, but no apology. This, in my opinion, ties into victim blaming and lack of responsibility. How is someone supposed to forgive when there is animosity and no accountability or support from anyone? This feels like an impossible feat. How is someone supposed to forget a trauma? How is someone supposed to move on when no ample resources are available?

While forgiving and building resilience are valuable, we must be careful in what we say to someone, as we never know how someone could internalize these seemingly simple words.