"Divya"

“Women do not have a voice of their own and that is why they are dominated by the men in my community” These harrowing words rang deeply through our thoughts as Divya told her story. At just 12 years of age, she was forced into marriage. Instead of going to school and forging an identity for herself, that wasn’t a reality in the society she was in. Instead, she was ordered to cook, clean, and look after her husband and his family. Her in-laws would physically abuse her, and would even throw food at her if they felt it was not adequately prepared. On top of the physical torture she suffered, her husband had many extramarital affairs, and yet still forced Divya to have sex against her will. At the time, Divya didn’t know this was marital rape, as she had been taught that this was normal for a marriage. Nonetheless, it still caused her a great deal of physical and mental pain. Due to being married so young, she didn’t have the time to develop her support group and lacked meaningful friendships.

As an aside, the Criminal Code in Nepal declared that marital rape was illegal and criminalized in 2006. From my understanding, the criminal code is a supreme court decision and there has been little effort from state and local governments to raise awareness and make it clear that marraige does not automatically equal consent. Divya was raised in a very rural area that is governed by village councils and laws. This is known as Panchayat, and it actually has not been allowed for quite some time, but it still happens often from my understanding. There is also very little education at all, let alone talk on consent and boundaries. Divya told me that she didn’t even know this was considered sexual harm until she left the situation.

Divya bravely went to the police to complain, and she was referred to an organization that provided her shelteri. After long periods of counseling provided by the team, she was reintegrated into her society. With the knowledge that she gained from counseling, she felt as though she could return to her family and create a better life. However, when she returned to her village, her family no longer accepted her if she was not willing to get re-married. Divya’s brothers continued to pressure her, as the family was being offered money for her potential marriage. After refusing, she was disowned and found herself without a home. She slept at the local temple for a few days before having to choose to return to her in-laws.

Divya repeatedly told us how deeply betrayed and disappointed she felt by her family’s negligence. She had hoped for her family’s compassion but instead was treated as an object for profit rather than a human being. While she had grown during her time at the shelter, nothing had changed with her family and in-laws. Divya suffered the same abuse again. She returned to the shelter housing, but this time to begin a new chapter, rather than go back to her old life.

Her new chapter began with the struggles of getting a divorce. After two long years, her divorce was successful. In the meantime, Divya lived in the shelter, received more counseling which empowered her, and became a staff member at the shelter she is currently in! Most importantly, she found a community that she could trust and one that truly supported her growth and well-being. She is also in the process of being granted citizenship by the government so that she can find work and be financially independent on her own.

Divya’s understanding of her trauma has allowed her to talk more openly about the issues that affect many young girls who grow up in rural areas in Nepal. She told me that a key issue that perpetuates violence stems from a lack of education. “How can one be independent if they have been taught to not have a voice?” Divya believes that education is the tool in giving women a voice and autonomy. In a larger context, she believes educating young girls will be a step towards viewing men and women as equals, which has the power to reduce gender-based violence.