It's Not Just Women by Men

After understanding sexual harm in Nepal in a more general sense, I wanted to shift away from the thinking that harm occurs to women by men. Although disproportionately there is a high rate of women who experience harm, and it is by men at a higher rate, this is not the entire story. It is not an unknown concept that the most marginalized people are the most violated in any society. This concept is something that I believe to be true no matter where you go. In the United States, I would say that this is trans people of color, black trans women in particular. I have tried my best to keep my western views out of the learning process this year, but I think this statement is true wherever I go. I theorize that it would be queer and trans people from a lower caste in Nepal. Caste, while different from race, shares parallels. These layers interested me, and thus I attempted to speak to people in the LGBTQ community.

Before you read the rest of the stories, I want to point out a limitation of some of the work that I have done thus far. I have been engaging primarily with NGOs. An NGO usually identifies a problem and then says that it will do XYZ to eliminate an issue. Guess what? If you stop the problem, then your organization ceases to exist. Therefore, an NGO often responds to the situation in some fundamental but more minor ways. If an NGO fights for extreme and radical policy change, for example, we see the number of incidences of a particular issue reducing. Donors, organizations, and the government will be less likely to donate to this issue. This seems more like a business to me than anything else. The "NGOization" of specific problems actually can limit the effectiveness of elimination. I haven't talked about this on my blog, but it is a limitation that I am thinking about daily while engaging with organizations. Therefore, the aid that people receive from this organization may not be the most grassroots and community-based form of care. Ideally, I could walk up to someone and talk to them about their experiences with consent, harm, sex, and boundaries. However, with a language barrier and the sensitive nature of sexual violence, I am not comfortable doing that just yet.

With this said, I am an extremely critical person, and I question constantly. Learning about issues within the legal system, police force, society, and culture is essential to what I am trying to do as it gives me the background. However, I have been fortunate enough to speak to community members in and outside of organizational affiliation, and this has been helpful.

Acknowledging this, my project's primary goal is to understand how people have personally become empowered and what community and space gave them the autonomy and power to do that. It is my firm belief that if we engage in society and are given a space to be believed when harm does occur, we do something radical; we resist rape culture itself.

The point of me telling you this is for a few reasons. One is just because I want you to follow my thought process and understand the mental hoops I have been jumping through thus far, but it is also to show you that I am learning as I go. If I could stay in Nepal and engage even more in community group settings, now that I know so many leaders and people outside of the bounds of any organization, I would do so. But, at the same time, I also feel as though I have learned so much already. I shifted away from working with just women-identifying people to add layers of complexity. There is a general idea, in the US, too, that harm only happens to women by men. I encourage everyone reading this to eliminate the concept from their mind. Sexual harm is about power. It is a systematic tool of oppression that creates cycles of violence. Harm stems from who has power and who has control.

I started engaging with LGBTQ community members and asking them about their experiences with violence. I inquired about perceptions, society, culture, law, and police, but most importantly, I asked them how the community has uplifted them or not supported them. I asked them about their resiliency and their empowerment. That way, individuals are not constantly reminded of the trauma but of the strength and power they possess, even if they are not in the majority.

I learned so much from the people that I did speak to. Most of them have been through the worst trauma imaginable, yet they sit in front of me and smile. I have become friends with these beautiful humans and have learned a great deal. I hope that these stories teach you a great deal, but if anything, I hope that you see how much people can form support and community through so many different avenues. It is so amazing to see. I believe these people are a part of changing perceptions in Nepal. While their opinions differ on how to affect large-scale change, they all agree that being a part of this community is lovely, and they wouldn't change it for the world.