"The Three Wise Women"

Three women sat outside in the grass at the Bajura safe house. Our initial plan was to speak to them one by one about their lived experiences. While discussing, it was apparent that their stories shared many parallels. They related to one another and opened up about their feelings, hopes, and aspirations.

All three of them were married before 17, and their husbands have since passed away. They recounted their stories of mistreatment and abuse, mainly from their husband’s families. One experienced abuse from both her husband and his family. She is no longer able to walk properly due to her husband’s abuse. Their belief is that many of the problems in rural areas stem from both poverty and misogyny. These women were married as young girls, feeling like objects rather than people. They told me that no one ever referred to them by their own names; they were always known as their husbands’ wives. These women have had everything taken away from them and do not have the capacity or ability to work. They get a widow’s fee from the government, but it is only 8000 rupees for four months. They all have children and wish better for their future, especially their daughters. They hope that they can have adequate education and the life that they were never able to have. However, with no income, they cannot pay for their children’s school fees. “We worry about putting shoes on our feet, let alone pay for the tuition for multiple children.”

We asked them what they would like to do if they were given a chance to pursue it. They told us they would like some goats and cows to tend and care for them. This is a large market in the rural parts of Nepal. They told us that while the trainings offered in the safe house may be beneficial, there is no market for them in the rural areas. They also feel bound to the area that they are from because their children are here. They feel helpless, without support as their in-laws actively blame them for the deaths of their husbands and constantly tell them that they are bad luck. Some can stay with their own families but many are shunned from these communities.

These women told us repeatedly that poverty is their main issue and will be what most likely will continue this cycle. They would love it if their young daughters had the opportunity to study and get educated, but with a lack of funds marrying them off early is a likely outcome. Hopefully, with the safe house’s help and support, this financial burden can be lessened.

The three sat in the grass together, speaking and laughing for hours on end. They told us that they feel at peace while here. While they feel tense about being away from their children, they feel immense gratefulness in connecting with one another. They feel like no one understands their experiences better than the women in the safe house with them. While outside, they feel helpless and alone; many think about suicide but keep going for their children. Most people in the village know about the safe house, and more women come to stay on their own, rather than being referred. People talk about the community that it can facilitate and the calm they feel as they see new and old faces.

According to these women, for violence to halt, women need to stop being seen as objects to be married off, and the lives of families in rural areas need to improve so that people are not living in constant poverty. If they could take their mind off of the bare necessities, they may be able to think about other things like education and awareness on the issue of violence which may work to reduce it.